The real damage from letting someone convince you that you’re not worth anything doesn’t come from that relationship – it’s when it keeps you from having better relationships when the opportunity for them arises.
When you accept something awful for long enough, you start forgetting that you should be demanding more. You stop, in fact, believing that something more can genuinely exist; if real love is offered, you are immediately skeptical and skittish. You reject it for its foreignness. You convince yourself that there must be some dark, ulterior motive to the offer of healthy love, because to believe that it’s real means to be forced to confront that you’ve been letting yourself suffer when there is a better option. Any suffering is more bearable if you forget that you have the option for anything else.
It’s a recurrent theme. It’s a recurrent fear/ thought/ concept. It has been perpetuated long enough to be accepted as a norm.
You’d think, that as we grow, we learn to improve. I mean isn’t that what life is about, constantly moving particles always moulding, changing and trying to better themselves? Yet, no. There are certain ideas if perpetuated long enough make even the most strong willed of us believe.
Emotional abuse. Abandonment issues. Phrases that stand alone and mean nothing to some yet mean their entire core to others. These are the strings they can pull at. Your puppeteers who pull and tug and push as they please and you don’t see it till it’s all said and done.
The real damage? The belief that real love is foreign. That your worth is the suffering suffered oh so long ago. The cycle that repeats. The one you make happen in the instances where you believe you don’t deserve something and you go on to destroy it simply to prove to yourself that your past is your future and you deserve only that.
It’s only when you slowly start to see the real scars, the misplaced fear, the disbelief, that you finally realize that you became your own abuser. You were twisted for long enough that you eventually perpetuated your own cycle of damage.
So there it is.
How does it finally feel to open your eyes and see the sun?[youtube http://youtu.be/6drfp_3823I]