November 26th came and went and you know what? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Not until I was exhausted after the long day and it occurred to me around 11pm that it was November 26th.
It’s funny how sometimes joining of the heart and mind occurs with such ease but when it comes to separating them again, it’s like they were always one and cannot be apart. Until one day, after moments upon moments of anguish, a light shines through and you realise that you succeeded. The connection was finally severed.
Most people hope for the separation and insist it’s what you need. Is it really? Because though I knew of what was to come, I held on for so long because I knew what was next…
That same hole that one tries to fill with denial, and then hope, and then pain. Unfortunately, when the pain finally subsides, the only thing left is that empty space. The one that still hasn’t been filled. Wouldn’t you rather it be filled with something than nothing at all? But there’s no going back.
Resilience. Survival. We were made to move and time was made to flow and though we must move with it, it flows through us. We have no power.
So it is dis-joined. So it has made me move despite my unwillingness and my stubbornness; and though I am still standing in the same place, I am not the same.
Dis-joined with nothing left but the desire to feel more again; the yearning for just a touch, just a taste of the sweetness. The insatiable need to feel it all again, just once more. Isn’t this how addiction drips off an addict?