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In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.

– Rumi

I’ve been re-watching Smallville. The last time I saw it was with you. The you who existed with me back then. The one who died.

I just saw the Season 6 episode with Lex and Lana’s wedding – Promise. I miss watching it with you. It’s like no matter what they did, they could never really be together. It kind of makes me think. Were you the Lana Lang to my Clark Kent?

And yet, there are days when you want to kick reality in the face.

But …I’ve accepted that my baby died. That relationship died. But sometimes, I give in to that feeling I’ve pushed deep down. I feel like it’s a guilty pleasure that I’ve boxed away. Nemo and Boo have been boxed away into the darkest corner of my heart. But sometimes, if I let myself, a little bit of the light shines through. Even if only for a moment. And I let myself feel a bit of the love. But I have to be quick and put it away before I get too entranced. It’s an addiction. I’ve learnt that by now. You were an addiction.

And then there are some days when my heart yearns so much …and in those moments, even if just for a second …I can smell you…

So in the end and always, I truly feel…

[youtube http://youtu.be/cBivKbeDgCQ]

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you,
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

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