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I tried to breathe. I tried to ignore it all. I tried to just be…

And then he played that song. The song that made it all real. The song that wouldn’t let me let it all go. We had memories. And in fairness to myself, I forced myself to let go. I saw you across the room dancing with her on that song and I forced myself to let go. I danced with all my heart till my body gave out; my lungs stopped pulling air and I had to run out.

My lungs gave out and I needed air. I needed oxygen. I needed anything but the suffocation I felt on that dance floor.

I staggered out, trying to breathe. And as I walked to the gate holding on to the pillars so my legs wouldn’t give way, I saw you outside see me stagger out…

I ran out of the gate for air. And I saw nothing but the memories. And I felt nothing but death. I felt my heart stop. And I felt my body give way. And I felt rage at myself for the weakness. And I pushed friends away in fear. And I wanted nothing but loneliness in that moment. And I wanted nothing but the ground to swallow me whole.

For there was nothing left for me to feel on this earth.

Breathing is now a chore. Living is now more a burden than ever. I will never understand what I did to deserve such agony…

Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell.

-Emily Dickinson

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