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I was forced to move and leave you behind. We were both torn up but you told me we would be okay. You assured me that I’d see you again soon and to stay strong.

I’m in a room in a new country and a new home. It looks nothing like anywhere I’ve ever been before. I know that my mom is just outside the room. As I walk towards the bathroom door, getting ready to take a shower, I start to feel myself getting more and more sad. I think about how I’ve left you back there and it scares the hell out of me. It makes me fall apart. As I walk through the bathroom door and step under the shower, as the water starts pouring onto my skin, so do the tears start to pour down my face…

I reach out and put my hand against the wall to hold myself up as I begin to cry with full force. A force that makes me lose strength and as I fall to the floor, I think of how I miss you. How I can’t live without you and how you lied when you said we’d be okay. We’re not okay. Because the distance is killing me. I cry harder and…

I wake up. Tears rolling down my face, I realized I had been dreaming. The first time in my life that I have woken up from a dream and actually been crying. And in that moment that it took me to realize the difference between the dream and reality, I broke again.

I thought it was over. I guess I was wrong…

Your coffin reached the monstrous hole. And a part of me went down into the muddy earth with you and lay down next to you and died with you.

-Rosamund Lupton

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