The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
After being silent for a while, I can only word certain thoughts. For the deeper ones in my mind are dark and incomprehensible. Regardless…
Everyone has brought something different. He was the first to make me appreciate what I do. He made me want to work, motivated to work and to succeed. That was something you lacked. But you taught me as well. You taught me some things that I now really appreciate. Those were the things that moulded the girl you met into the woman I am. I’m not saying I’ve finished growing. No one ever does finish. All I’m saying is that you helped me become someone I could be proud of. While I was with you, I let go of the mistakes of my past. While I was with you, I forgave myself for many regrets and understood what I hadn’t been able to change.
So now, with each act, I pave a way. A way that I’m hoping I remain proud to be on. I stumble. I stumbled that night. But I learnt to let go of regrets. So I won’t sit and curse myself for it. But what’s strange now that I have made up my mind that it was a mistake, is that I’m being steered towards a path that seems to not let it be a random mistake in time…
“I miss you.” Three little words that if uttered by someone one cares for, mean so much. Then why is it that where only a few weeks ago I would’ve loved to see that emotion felt for me again, at this point in time, it’s making me turn away? It’s strange but the more emotion he shows, the more he tries… It doesn’t mean much any more. Is it just me turning away and being cynical?
I guess I must be confusing him so much. To start off so interested and now, to be so cold. It’s how I used to be. I guess it was love that made me different. Otherwise, I seem to be cold. No amount of intimacy can change that.