I seem to be falling apart at the seams; and you’re the only one who can hold me together.
Usually, my intuition is always spot on. And the day before yesterday, it told me that I was going to find love. It’s hard to explain. It’s a feeling that comes from somewhere deep within and spreads across my soul like warmth across the skin. And when it spreads, it brings calm. It takes away the self-doubt.
The day before yesterday, for the first time since the past eleven months, I felt hope that I would find what I’ve been looking for. It came as a surprise and it brought peace.
I guess like I’ve said before, it comes in waves. And the day before yesterday, the tide was simply low.
Then yesterday came, and a conversation happened. It started with a song.
Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying
She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day
When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you’re amazing, just the way you are
A friend asked me if such a girl existed. My other friend interjected and pointed towards me saying, “this girl right here!”
There was a time, before this song even came out, when you would describe me the way Bruno Mars describes this girl. And it wasn’t just something only I would see. Your grand gestures would be for me and the whole world to see. People around us would talk about how in love we were. Hearing this song, that’s all I’m ever reminded of.
Now, today is another day, and I feel like I’m slowly sinking – slowly sinking deeper, like in quick sand. And I see what my fate holds for me. It’ll swallow me whole. And all I can do is watch helplessly while it does.
And once there’s nothing left of me. And I will be but a hollow shell. There’s only one thing I’ll say to you.
You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.
– Amy Bloom