I feel weird. detached and lost. like i’ve lost a part of me and i don’t know which part or of a way to get it back. i’m not sure whether it has to do anything with me not having spoken to a person i share my heart with. i feel distant from the world. i’m there in the jokes and the laughs, the comforting of friends when they need someone but …myself, i can’t feel anything.
why am i numb? did i really loose myself in the process of making another happy? was i just happy in the sorrow of loosing him and i lost that happiness when i tried running away from the sorrow?
i went through the whole depressive phase, the whole suicidal phase but in all of that i still had him. he was my knight in shining armour and now he’s gone and i feel lost. i can’t even feel sadness anymore coz as time passes, memories blur.
i wish time would stop and then i wish time would move faster. i wish i could sink into the ground or fall into a deep sleep and wake up when the world decides to give me back my soul. i wish… oh how i wish.
it feels wrong to feel it but i miss feeling it. i felt it for so long that it became a part of me and if i make myself stop then i loose who i am. so is it selfish of me to continue to feel this way? am i hurting another by pulling me back or should i be selfless and stop so i can loose myself but gain another.
i hate feeling confused and i hate how you can make my head spin so. i hate how you make my heart feel. feel for you. feel love for you, feel excitement for you, feel sad for you. cry for loosing you and cry for not ever knowing your love. cry for taking you for granted and loosing your love. cry for my stupidity and how life will never give me another opportunity to do it all again.
you changed my world, you changed my life, you changed my world and now i am blind. love me again, hurt me again, make me feel again for i am nothing but a shell without you. life isn’t life without you and i’m hollow right now …without you.