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We were on the phone and my mom called me so i asked him to hold and when i got back i picked up the handset and i hear him playing his guitar and singing “Collide” and i’d been asking him to sing it for me and he wouldn’t. Sso i just sat quietly on the end just listen to him sing. For some reason that memory stuck and it just jumps out at me sometimes. I just think of him and i always remember that and then that other day when we fought on the phone and for he first time HE said “i think we should just break up” and i asked if he really meant it? I argued about him being a hypocrite and stuff and then later we would just laugh about “that time when we ‘almost broke up'”. Some memories just jump out at you above the rest, i don’t understand why but those ones are the ones that make me realize there were signs of my attachment that i overlooked when i ended it. I didn’t think over them and i should have. I don’t regret it, we weren’t meant to be but it hurts to not have tried. And i miss not being able to talk to him, we were close and i didn’t give it importance and thats what i regret. I guess it’s the regrets that won’t let me move on and i’ve become numb but i still cry, no matter how dry my tears are now. I still shake and feel lost. I don’t understand it and that makes it worse. Maybe it’s the not understanding part of it that makes me sad.

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