, ,

No matter how much i try to fool myself. What i miss…it’s only about me, so it has nothing to do with missing him. It’s just i miss the comfort of having the support system, the shoulder to cry on, the person you know cares no matter what. So i’m missing all that stuff but if i could get it back i know what would happen. I’d get tired and realize i’m settling, the only thing i’d like is to have the support thing back and i would stay in the relationship, just… i would cheat. Because i know how i work and i know he’s not good enough for me. I think another reason why i miss him so much is because i don’t have him and it kills me to think i’ve lost. I mean no matter how much i try to not be like this it always ends up being a conquest. See, Like, Want, Obsess and Go after. Once i get him i know i’ve won, i have him in the palm of my hand and my work is done. Then i get bored and i want to move on to bigger and better things. When i say it out loud it sounds soo evil, i mean it sounds like i’m using them. I guess i am but i can’t help it, and when i find that guy who isn’t a conquest but a person, someone and NOT something important, then i’ll find the true happiness one should experience in a relationship. When i say relationship, i mean a “relationship” and not a fling or fun. Fun can be had with anyone, and at the expense of someones feelings is…cruel. Hypocrisy coming from me since so far all i’ve been is cruel and cold but hey, when i say ice queen i mean it.
Watch out.