Longing for home


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Do you question it? I do. I question it in everyone. When nights ended with you and mornings began with you. I question it.

I want you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.

– Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

I walk around with an empty space. I try to fit them in that space. That space that’s in the shape of you. No one ever fits. No one ever will.
It’s 2015. A new year. It’s been five years. On February 27, it’ll be five years to the date. I question it whenever someone tries to take up that space. No one ever will. Will that space ever fade? What existed, what once was, never can be again. I know that. But what I don’t know is if anyone will ever be able to make the space irrelevant. Irrevelant. Ha.

Maybe it’s just the head space I’m in. Maybe it’s just that I will never learn to let go. I don’t like letting go of what I want. What I decided I need. It’s like being an addict. You never stop being one. You never stop craving.

It’s like walking around in the world with a shadow next to you that only you can see.

I question it. I know it takes time but …Will I ever crave again? Will it ever feel like time is not enough?

Will it ever feel like home again?


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